Wednesday 26 August 2015

How Coaching is Different to Counselling and Why I Chose One Over the Other.



One question that I get asked a lot is why Coaching is different to Counselling - or is actually different at all? 


The short answer is that yes, they are different, substantially different in fact and I made a choice to focus on one rather than the other in my own practice for very specific reasons.

I studied Psychology at University and then after graduation I trained for a further three years to become a Psychotherapist.  It was a very rigorous process that rightly explored every aspect of who I was, went through every hidden emotion, every subconscious thought and brought them to the surface to be examined and experienced again. I spent long weekends away with my training group on top of the normal training where we were taught to become comfortable with every possible scenario that might come up in the Client/Therapist relationship.

One memorable time was when we were doing our sexual therapy training and had to ask each other, within a big group setting some of the most intimate questions you could think of - 'How often do you masturbate?' for example, and we had to answer the entire group honestly and openly until everyone knew the most secret parts of your humanity. It was a daunting task but it was perhaps the most valuable training I have ever had (I've had loads!) because it has made me aware of things that in 'normal' life I might never have come across/dared to ask/thought might exist. 

It was exhausting and uncomfortable, I faced up to every weakness, confessed every secret, had my every judgement broken down, confronted all my fears, learned what it felt like to be totally vulnerable and then went to work to build a new me - a stronger me but a me that still had a long way to go and probably a me that felt more frightened of the world than ever before.

The problem I had with Counselling as a profession was that I didn't like how long it took to make huge leaps in the process of change, I felt that it was damaging to hold people in a space where they felt so much pain and suffering and to explore that to deeper and deeper levels. I wasn't sure that there were many people skilled enough, strong enough and mentally robust enough to take someone to a dark place and know how to bring them back again safely.

I also noticed when I was working with some of my clients that Counselling simply served to confirm over and over again to them that they were damaged, that they were incapable of finding solutions for themselves because they had so much going on in their past that was to blame for their current state. Most people didn't want to 'get better' they wanted to be held and to listened to and to be loved. This is a valuable and wonderful thing to be able to give to someone - to give them the space and the time to feel special and worthwhile, but what you want in the end is to move them forwards to feel empowered and free to choose their own emotions and not be beholden to a past that no longer exists. Many people are more frightened of leaving the support of counselling that the number of people who are willing to make changes for themselves with the support of counselling.

Counselling has it's place of course - I myself had to undergo counselling as part of the process of qualifying and again later as an adult I had a short spell of counselling around a specific issue. I found Person Centered Counselling was much more 'me' than Psychodynamic Counselling but neither were as dynamic, as fast acting, as helpful or as empowering as Coaching. It was all helpful though and I still believe that whatever helps is helpful - i.e Do whatever helps you personally.

When I noticed that many people who received counselling did not have a real drive to move forward and did not understand that they themselves were responsible for this movement forward and relied instead on the Therapist to do it for them I became hugely frustrated and despondent with the Counselling world. It didn't suit my values and beliefs or my view of the world so I knew I needed to find something different.

Coaching was very new when I first discovered it, the Life Coaches at the time in the UK were focused on too broad an approach, they tended not to have the depth of training and knowledge that Therapists had, nor did they have the same breadth of experience with a huge variety of issues or problems - some still don't, you don't have to have had any experience or training at all to call yourself a Coach. What happens (which is very similar to Counselling) is that Coaches are people who have gone through issues themselves and realised that they can help others who are not as far along the road as they are now, to feel better and to show them a road map out of the woods that they themselves were once lost in.

This is fantastic if the Coach is focused in this particular niche - if you want to earn more money you need a Coach who has been in a place of no money and found the map to wealth and can clearly explain to you how they got there. What they also need to have however, is a clear understanding of how to listen fully to where you are (because no two people are the same) and apply it to you and your circumstances. Or they need to be really clear on the type of person they can help and not take on those who do not fit this model.

Coaching with the right person, with a very clear idea of who they can help and what knowledge and experience they bring to this process is what you want. Not everyone will agree with me when I say that Coaching requires experience but I believe that it does, especially for someone who has not had any formal training. The great thing is though that we ALL have experience in something - we are all experts at something and Coaching allows you to move forward very quickly with an issue (or several) if you find the person who is an expert in that area(s). Take the Coach who is very intuitive - they may not have gone through a divorce themselves but if their expertise is being highly intuitive they will be able to ask the right questions around where you are and where you want to go and they will sense clearly where you are at every stage of the process and tweak it to be in alignment with your personal progress. You do not need to have had the same experiences to be a Coach in that area, what you need is to be an expert with people and deeply in tune with what they require at every stage. 

So, why did I choose Coaching over Counselling? Because I want to see people move forward, I want to work as an equal partner to them, not to take the role of therapist and client, I want to hold the space for change and nurture that change whilst holding the other person accountable for their own progress in a gentle and non judgmental way.  I also want it to happen quickly for them so they do not become reliant on something (whether a process or a person) outside of themselves, with a clear goal in mind so that it can be measured as to whether the coaching is helpful and whether it produces results. I want people to know their power when they have completed Coaching, not to have just been exposed to their weaknesses. I want people to have an end date in mind and what they would like to have achieved by this end date, I want them to work towards something tangible, not just 'feeling better'.

How is Coaching different to Counselling?

  • Coaching is forward thinking and present focused.
  • Counselling is past focused

  • Coaching is creative and exploratory
  • Counselling is reactive and exploratory

  • Coaching creates a process where the client is responsible for the results
  • Counselling creates a process where the Therapist is responsible for the results

  • Coaching is direct and challenging
  •  
  • Counselling is indirect and challenging

  • Coaching is delivered through various different means
  • Counselling is always one to one or group

  • Coaching is often fun and exciting
  • Counselling is often upsetting and draining

  • Coaching is fast acting and has a specific end date
  • Counselling is at the pace of the client

  • Coaching focuses on the how and the when as well as the why.
  • Counselling focuses on the why

  • Coaching doesn't require any formal training or education
  • Counselling requires a long period of in-depth training

  • Anyone can become a coach
  • Counselling is only open to those who are accepted onto a training course after interview and passing certain criteria and can only be practiced by those who pass the course.


There are many other differences too but these are the main ones. There are also a lot of similarities, both are there to support, nurture, understand and serve others in their journey to be changed by the experience. 

In my opinion, having a mixture of the two, taking the best of both worlds is the perfect scenario for clients. Therapists know how to use an understanding of your past to understand your present and a Coach knows how to affect change from your present to your future. Having both a deep understanding of the human Psyche and an ability to drive the process forward towards tangible results is a winning combination. You don't need to BE both a Therapist and a Coach but it is helpful to have an understanding of the differences and similarities.

I choose to Coach now but my skills as a Therapist will never leave me and they enhance my Coaching no end because I take the best of Therapy and blend it with my Coaching (not take the best of Coaching and blend it with Therapy). The important thing is to know what is right for you? This approach is right for me and for my clients but what is right for one person is not right for another...the only thing I know for sure is why I have made my choices, why you make yours is an entirely different story...

To find out whether my approach of a mixture of Therapy and Coaching is right for you why don't you book a FREE session with me? I give all prospective clients a free 45 min session over Skype or the phone so that we can talk about where you are right now, why you are there and how we might be able to get you to where you really want to be...book your no obligation chat with me using this link http://goo.gl/20DuIE  or by emailing me: info@lovelivingevents.co.uk

I also have a FREE GIFT for you that you can download straight away! You can do some Coaching for yourself in the comfort of your own home by exploring some of your values/beliefs/thoughts and emotions in my FREE workbook 'Your Ultimate Journey to Dazzling Self Respect' 


Love Nova xxx








5 comments:

  1. I would have to agree, I have little 2 year old boy with autism, and when we faced with therapy would best suite my little man my wife and I had choose between almost full time therapy where he would spend most of the time with a therapist or Relationship Development Intervention which more coaching My wife and I to give us the skills and tools we require to best help our little.

    Great article.
    http://www.thekoneyreport.com

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    1. Thanks Conan and thank you for sharing your own experience. What a wonderful, accepting and loving choice to decide to have coaching around how to experience your little boy's Autism in the best way possible rather than to ask him to have therapy. What a gift to yourselves and to him.

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  2. I do agree that a mix of both is best. However, both counselling and coaching both start with the premise that the client has the answers to their own problems and that it is the coach or counsellors job to facilitate the client's arrival at their own solution.

    I think there are a lot of people offering 'coaching' these days who are in fact offering mentoring and teaching.

    The skill with coaching and counselling is to remain impartial and not to lead the client but allow them space to make their own discoveries.

    This means that experience is not necessary, as there is not reason to be advising or leading.

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    1. Thanks for your insights Rachel, good points that you raise and I agree with you.

      I think there is another key difference that could be explored there between Coaching and Mentoring - again, both similar with key differences.

      If someone is trained as a Coach then I agree that experience in a certain area is not necessary (although it certainly helps to have worked in that area before or studied it, or been through it - much like I wouldn't Coach someone on how to create a wonderful garden due to my woeful own efforts at this!). My point though is that some coaches (rare) have no training (formal or informal) and no experience in the area they want to Coach...this I personally feel is not in the clients best interest. I could ask someone the right questions about the type of garden they want to create, I could help them plan their goals for the garden, I could hold the space for them to create their vision...but I could not in any sense honestly call myself a Gardening Coach - clients expect a certain level of experience or knowledge in your subject area.

      Great reply Rachel - thank you so much for you comments!

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  3. Interesting article Nova, you've highlighted many thoughts I've had myself. Which is why I have a coach rather than a counsellor, there comes a time when you have to stop being a victim and learn how to be a survivor. I think coaching helps you to decide when and how you can make that progress.

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