What is Stressful Thinking? How do we know when we are engaging in it and how can we move out of it quickly so that things don't get worse?!
Stressful thinking is basically any train of thought that is creating a feeling of unhappiness in your mind or body. Not to be confused with uncomfortable thoughts...uncomfortable thoughts are (often) those that challenge us or ask us to look at something in a different way - these are productive, useful and informative - but they can give way to stressful thinking if we get stuck in an uncomfortable thought that we don't know how to deal with.
How do we know when we are engaging with stressful thinking?
- Do you feel worried about something that you currently cannot change?
- Are you overthinking something to the point where you are no longer able to take action because you are too caught up in the thought itself?
- Are you caught up in past thinking or predicted future thinking?
- Are you feeling anxious or upset by a thought every time it comes into your mind?
These are examples of Stressful Thinking and they are never helpful. That saying 'don't worry it might never happen' is particularly apt here! Stressful thinking triggers the fight or flight response which leaves you in a place where you are unable to make creative decisions - the type of decisions that may change things around for you if only you can relax enough to access them.
So how can you quickly move out of Stressful Thinking and into Creative Thinking? Here are my tips to do just that!
1) As soon as you start to feel stressed about a concern, a situation, a worry or a person remind yourself that this is just a thought....at the moment it has no power over you...the thought can be changed which will change the situation...it is just a thought.
2) Give yourself a time when you will address this area of concern and put it in your diary, until that time keep telling yourself that you have this under control and do not need to engage in thinking about it until that time.
3) When you have the time sit down with a piece of paper and a pen and write in the middle of the paper the thing that has resulted in you feeling stressed. Around this write down every thought that has come up for you, no matter how small, how huge, how ridiculous you may feel it is...write it down. Then go through every one of the thoughts and rate how likely it is to happen on a scale of 1-10. Take the thoughts that you have rated over a 6 and look at them in more detail - put an action next to them that you can take in the next day or so that will alleviate the stress that you associate with it.
4) Imagine the best possible outcome for the stressful thought you have and imagine it happening in vivid detail - like a daydream, imagine how you will FEEL when this happens and hold onto this feeling so that it will eventually replace the stressful feeling when you imagine it.
5) Catch your stressful thought when it occurs and ask yourself (outloud if necessary...when you are alone!) 'What would be a slightly better thought than this?' Then think of how you can move your train of thought into a more productive and creative place. For example: if you were stressed about an upcoming house move and everytime you thought of the amount of work you have to do you came out in a sweat...catch the thought that you have prior to the feeling occurring. The thought might be something like 'oh no I've only got three days left and I have so much to do', consciously and deliberately tweak this thought to something that feels slightly better but also believable, it might change to 'three days left, I will start tonight by asking for some help', This changes it from a stressful thought to an uncomfortable thought...one is unhelpful, the other is productive and tells your mind that it can rest because you are taking action.
6) Tell someone - even the most stressful thoughts can be calmed by sharing them with someone. There is something about the act of getting thoughts out of your head and into the open that immediately changes them. You can do the same thing by journalling if you would prefer not to tell anyone (burn the paper afterwards if it is top secret - but still get the thought out of your head and into a different place).
7) Laugh - not in a cruel or self berating way, but find something about the stressful thinking that is so over the top that you can laugh at it at relieve the stress and find a different way to look at it.
8) Do a visualisation - when stressful thoughts come into my head I employ my imagination to create little happy people to locate the stressful thought and take it out...literally I imagine the happy people moving into my head and taking the thought (which I imagine as a slow moving, dark coloured lump of mush) and destroying it or transforming it into a lighter, less stressful colour, shape or image. As daft as it sounds it works!
9) Be mindful - When stressful thinking starts just remind yourself that right here, right now you are fine. In this exact moment you are here and you are ok. Look at something in the room, study it, feel your feet on the floor, your body in the place that it is and notice that you are ok. Right here and right now is the only thing that actually exists...everything else has either already happened and cannot be changed or has not happened yet and therefore maybe never will or can still be changed.
10) Get physical - move your body, relax your shoulders, notice how the stressful thinking has affected your body and change it - we can change both the physical and the mental and because one affects the other you can start with either to effect a different feeling. Go for a walk, stretch, dance, get a massage, make a physical change that will enable your body and then your mind to relax.
Love Nova xxx
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