More than you might imagine!
It is the greatest freedom we have as humans, to choose how to feel. It is the freedom that Viktor Frankl talks about in his book 'Man's Search for Meaning' an account of what he learned from his time in a Nazi Concentration Camp.
My favourite quote from the book is:
'A thought transfixed me: for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom of so many thinkers. The truth - that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love.'
The salvation of man is through love and in love - that's a bold statement to make isn't it? How do you feel about that? Is it true? Can love save us all from everything?
As a Psychotherapist I have a view that love, in the end, is actually all we should be concerned with - however it HAS to include the love of self - a cliche right? No one can love you until you love yourself is just one of those overused things that we all say 'yeah I know' to in a bored sort of a way.
So what has this got to do with choice over how we feel?
We all have a choice over whether we will choose a loving thought or a damaging thought and we can start with ourselves here in a very practical way so that we can really examine whether it works or not to always employ love as our first thought.
As an aside 'love' can feel like a very loaded word to some people and you may find that it is uncomfortable to use it - in these cases I ask my clients to use the word 'life' or 'living' as a substitute. So you can ask (for example) 'am I bringing more life to my body/mind/soul?' instead.
So if we can save ourselves (as Frankl believes) through love, from depression, stress and anxiety we need to examine what that might actually look like.
Employing loving thoughts to see you through any difficult period of your life is unbelievably powerful and effective but it doesn't start and end with muttering 'I love myself' now and again in an attempt to fool your subconscious into feeling amazing all the time.
Employing loving thoughts to work for you covers EVERY area of your life:
Are you being loving (bringing more life) to your body?
- Do you give it food that helps it to perform at it's best?
- Do you ensure it has enough sleep (as often as you can)?
- Do you keep it moving and keep it challenged and keep it lean and strong?
Are you being loving (bringing more life) to your mind?
- Do you treat it as you would treat another with respect and kindness?
- Do you forgive yourself when you have treated yourself badly and look to address it in the future?
- Do you look for the best of your thoughts and concentrate on those?
Are you being loving (bringing more life) to your soul?
- Do you give it time to rest?
- Do you give it space to rejuvenate?
- Do you give it time to enjoy the things that keep it nourished?
Are you being loving (bringing more life) to your journey?
- Do you respect the past and know that it has got you here today?
- Do you respect that your life is finite and that it must be lived whilst you have the chance?
- Do you answer the call of your life to move forward and to express itself?
Are you being loving towards your relationships, your friends and family, your work, your hobbies and activities....EVERY single area of life can be looked at in terms of self love and how often and to what level you are choosing a loving thought.
How often do you choose how you feel by opting for a loving thought about yourself or another instead of a damaging thought? Or are you living by default, not consciously choosing your thoughts about anything but letting them run riot and then having the fall out of the upsetting feelings that result? Most of us have done this for a large portion of our lives so don't feel bad about this or judged by it, just know that there IS a choice, no matter how little evidence of that you see currently.
Is it easy to choose how to feel? Yes and No. Yes, when you get the hang of it...but no it's not always that easy because it does take quite a lot of work and effort to continuously choose our thoughts in order to affect how we feel, the easy option is just to sink into feeling rubbish about ourselves or our lives or to let a train of thought take hold and drag us down until it feels like we have no control at all.
This is the subconscious way of living your life at the moment, it can change into a new subconscious way of being but it needs to become conscious first in order for that change to occur. Much like driving a car, you have to consciously learn the skill first and then you drive automatically without thinking about it much.
We are so used to that cycle of living life at a subconscious level where our thoughts are left unchecked that sometimes that we have forgotten that we have a choice...we can stop thinking that way and choose a more helpful thought, those thoughts will gather momentum in exactly the same way as a depressing or worried or stressed thought does and eventually we gather enough momentum to dramatically affect how we feel.
So in answer to the initial question of how much choice we have over how we feel, we have TOTAL choice. That is not to say that we shouldn't ever allow sadness, grief or worry into our lives, these are signs of love too...but what it does mean is that we never have to stay in sadness for longer than we are willing to, let the sadness live its purpose, let it indicate to you how deeply you feel and then, when you are ready, know that you can choose a new thought that helps you move forward towards happiness again.
To find out more about the 10 week Positive Potential programme to end Stress, Depression and Anxiety please go here.
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Love Nova xxx
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